Wow I knew there was something I loved about the month of May!
ITS NATIONAL MASTURBATION MONTH!!!!
To celebrate national masturbation month we are doing a little poll here at Project Sexology
-How many times a month do you masturbate?
-Whats your favorite lubrication?
-Do you enjoy masturbating alone? or in front of a friend?
-Whats your favorite go to toy for masturbating with?
-Have you ever masturbated in public? If so where?
Answer above in comments section below....be sure and add details!!!
Interested in learning more on the history of National Masturbation Day click HERE
For the past several years I have been giving a lot of thought to what an open type relationship would look like. The more I've read and spoke with other people on the topic the more I have became interested in exploring this as an option for my future. At the current moment my Husband is not at all interested in being part of an open type relationship. Some of his resistance to the idea is that he lacks the understanding of what is the basis of my desire to explore this. We truly have different views for our lives.
What does being in an open relationship mean to you? Many people that have never experienced being part of an open relationship think the main purpose of it is to be able to have sex with more than one partner. While this does happen it is a much deeper situation than just sexual intercourse.
From my view point switching from a monogamy type relationship to a more open type relationship requires both parties to sit down and talk about what is acceptable and what is not. Draw that line that they don't want each other to cross. It takes a healthy strong relationship to turn the path and switch to a more open format.
Building serious long term relationships with more than one partner is definitely something I would like to explore further without crossing the line. Obtaining my husbands blessing before exploring with another partner on a sexual level.... so it doesn't cross into the grey area of cheating. I think when couples attempt an adventure like this it can have the potential for strengthening the existing bond.... spelling out the rules of the road before hand...NOT just jumping in feet first and sinking to the bottom. Jealousy can make or break this type of relationship so you must have a relationship built on trust first.
WHY DO YOU THINK POLY MIGHT BE RIGHT FOR YOU?
What brought me to the thoughts of a poly relationship in the first place? I think everyone has a very different reason for their interest in exploring this as an option. In the beginning of my research about this I honestly didn't know why I felt the attraction to poly. I learned a lot about myself in the journey to understand the making of a poly relationship.
While exploring information on what this lifestyle choice is like I learned that being physically or emotionally attracted to another human during a time of being in a monogamy type relationship is very NORMAL. Discovering that I could wrap my head around this fact was ultimately the most freeing moment in my life.
Years ago my husband had an affair with someone he worked with in his job. Finding out devastated me at the time. I was unable to forgive him and carried around years of hatred- which i have long ago dealt with. Strangely it was never either of our intentions to end the marriage.... the basis of the affair was not to replace me as his wife. He ended the affair and we continued on in the marriage. I stuffed the emotions thoughts and feelings about the affair deep in my soul vowing to myself to never visit those raging feelings again. No matter how hard I tried for years I felt abandoned and full of mistrust.
So back to NOW.... Is it possible to have a marriage that is monogamy based and NEVER have one of those moments of feeling attracted physically or emotionally to another human? No it is not because we are all very sexual social creatures and it is normal to have the fleeting moment when these emotions just happen naturally.
What happened to my husband with the affair? He had a moment of very normal natural human response- and he acted on it to meet his basic human needs at the time. Humans where not designed to be with only one other human for their life time. Society has made anything other than monogamy to be seen as taboo. Do I think that going out and having multiple affairs without your partners knowledge is OK? No definitely not! Is it OK to get your emotional needs met from more than one human? Possibly if you both decide to dive into a open relationship... poly arrangement.
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE BENEFITS OF A POLY RELATIONSHIP?
1. Get rid of the guilt-Feelings of guilt that creeps into a relationship when the natural attraction to another human happens can produce a huge array of emotions...guilt stress anxiety mistrust abandonment just to name a few. In open relationships these emotions are dealt with ahead of time and removed because it is something that is planned and expected to happen. Approval of your partner lifts the feelings of guilt.... as long as both parties are in line with the arrangement.
2. Change is healthy-In a typical wedding vow we all know the words "For better or worse.... till death do us part" These words do not take into account how each partner may change threw out the relationship. It is pretty unrealistic to assume that both partners will always have the same needs and desires. In many marriages peoples needs change but that does not mean they don't love each other. It would not be healthy to continue on in a marriage that both people can not get their needs met. Usually these changes lead to one or both people feeling stuck and unsatisfied.... then tragically ending in divorce....but it doesn't have to end this way in poly relationships.
3. Getting our cup filled from more than one pitcher- When mutually agreed upon getting our emotional needs met by more than one person can relieve a lot of stress for both parties. Having another persons thoughts on situations can be beneficial too.
4. Unconditional love with your partner- When an open relationship exists and the primary relationship is the center for both partners it builds that trust in unconditional love that we are deep down inside all seeking.
5. Complete Honesty- Knowing you have an open relationship and that you can share intimate feelings with your partner builds a strong foundation of honesty and trust. Would you rather be in a mono relationship that you felt you needed to hide your emotional attachment feelings about another person or an open and honest based poly relationship that you felt comfortable to explore your desires together? No right or wrong answer... poly is not for everyone.... just my personal thoughts.
WHAT DO OPEN POLY RELATIONSHIPS LOOK LIKE....
An excellent source of information can be found in looking into what the relationship dynamic are of each type.FOUND HERE
Considering what model you and your partner are more drawn towards will help with setting up the contract of what is and isn't allowed in the relationship. Respecting each others views of the relationship will help in maintaining the trust and security of the primary relationship over time.
If your in a poly open relationship please feel free to post comments. If this is a type of relationship you are looking to build feel free to post those comments also :)
Anna
Life Coach/Graphic Artist/ Author
So you are in your peaceful comfy place (from PART 1 of this post) its time to start getting to the place in your mind that you can explore your sexual desires. Open communication with your partner most likely doesn't come natural at first unless you are a very confident person. So how do we get to that level of confidence?
Lets start by asking why is it that I am really not sure of what I need sexually from my partner? I know for me I had always felt it was bad to express myself in a sexual way like it was taboo to talk about. What was the norms in your family growing up? Was sex something you felt comfortable talking to a parent about when you hit those teen years? Or was sex something that was very uncomfortable to talk about in front of your parents? Typically we all are conditioned to think sex is something dirty and needs to be kept to ourselves. This thinking leads to problems when our sexual needs are not being met in a relationship.
GETTING COMFORTABLE:
This first experience is all about being comfortable while totally naked. Start by closing your eyes and thinking about how the clothing feels on your skin. Describe the texture of it.... soft rough silky??? Next rub your hands on the clothing over your thighs, abdomen, arms, ass, pussy/cock, breasts/ chest and your face. Let your mind wonder ..... how does it feel when you rub each area? Do some areas make you feel anxiety or tense? Try to relax and feel comfortable rubbing those areas.
After you are completely comfortable in the steps above and have got past any apprehensions rubbing causes while fully clothed you are ready to move on to step two. For this next step you will need to fully undress. Find a relaxing position laying on your back or side. Close your eyes and think about how you feel laying there totally naked. Do you have any anxieties about being exposed? Or does it arouse you? Challenge any negative thoughts and tell yourself the human body is a beautiful piece of art. You are a beautiful person inside and out.
Now go threw the same process as above that you did with your clothes on. Rubbing your hands on your skin varying the pressure of your hands to massage your skin. Imagine any tension leaving your body.... focus on relaxing all your muscles. Spending extra time on the sexual parts of your body...areas that can cause you to become aroused. Feel the arousal building inside yourself? Tingling? Heart Rate increase? Change in breathing? At this point we are only rubbing light touch the goal is not to orgasm but rather explore what increases our arousal. Continue to explore with your hands until you are perfectly comfortable touching all areas of your anatomy.Ask yourself questions along the way.... EXAMPLES:
-Does it feel good to rub my breasts? How much stimulation does
it take to make my nipples hard and erect? After nipples are hard
how does it feel to twist them? Pull them? Flick them with my fingers?
-Does rubbing my inner thigh feel better with a light touch or more firm touch?
-Does rubbing my pussy/ cock cause instant arousal or do I need a more constant approach over several minutes?
-At what point did my pussy become wet? Was it with focusing on my nipples or did I need direct contact with my pussy to start to feel wet?
If the arousal becomes to intense and you start to feel out of control like you will orgasm if you continue.... STOP for few minutes and wait till the urge subsides. REMEMBER we are only exploring what works best for our body to increase arousal. Everyone has different sexual zones that work best for them when increasing arousal. Finding those areas and how much stimulation you need will get you in touch with what you need from your partner.
The above exercises may be beneficial to repeat several times till you are comforted with your body. The more you practice the more comfortable you will get with your own sexual desires. After completing the above lay there with your eyes closed..... hands at your sides..... and focus on the feelings of arousal you where able to achieve in your body. How did it make you feel? What worked the best? If you had to stop because the arousal become to intense how long did it take for the urge to subside? Knowing how to build arousal in your body can make the sexual experience very enjoyable to both of you.
How to use this to have a better sexual experience with my partner......
Think about all the areas that increased your arousal. Next time you are with your partner gently guide his or her hands to those areas during foreplay. Practice building and letting the arousal subside several times before actual intercourse. Orgasms that are built upon gentally slowly building threw foreplay repeatedly tend to be much more intense mind blowing orgasms. Learning your body limits to build and subside over and over will prove to be the source of great orgasms in the long run.
Anna
Life Coach/ Graphic Artist/ Author
ITS NATIONAL MASTURBATION MONTH!!!!