For the past several years I have been giving a lot of thought to what an open type relationship would look like. The more I've read and spoke with other people on the topic the more I have became interested in exploring this as an option for my future. At the current moment my Husband is not at all interested in being part of an open type relationship. Some of his resistance to the idea is that he lacks the understanding of what is the basis of my desire to explore this. We truly have different views for our lives.
What does being in an open relationship mean to you? Many people that have never experienced being part of an open relationship think the main purpose of it is to be able to have sex with more than one partner. While this does happen it is a much deeper situation than just sexual intercourse.
From my view point switching from a monogamy type relationship to a more open type relationship requires both parties to sit down and talk about what is acceptable and what is not. Draw that line that they don't want each other to cross. It takes a healthy strong relationship to turn the path and switch to a more open format.
Building serious long term relationships with more than one partner is definitely something I would like to explore further without crossing the line. Obtaining my husbands blessing before exploring with another partner on a sexual level.... so it doesn't cross into the grey area of cheating. I think when couples attempt an adventure like this it can have the potential for strengthening the existing bond.... spelling out the rules of the road before hand...NOT just jumping in feet first and sinking to the bottom. Jealousy can make or break this type of relationship so you must have a relationship built on trust first.
WHY DO YOU THINK POLY MIGHT BE RIGHT FOR YOU?
What brought me to the thoughts of a poly relationship in the first place? I think everyone has a very different reason for their interest in exploring this as an option. In the beginning of my research about this I honestly didn't know why I felt the attraction to poly. I learned a lot about myself in the journey to understand the making of a poly relationship.
While exploring information on what this lifestyle choice is like I learned that being physically or emotionally attracted to another human during a time of being in a monogamy type relationship is very NORMAL. Discovering that I could wrap my head around this fact was ultimately the most freeing moment in my life.
Years ago my husband had an affair with someone he worked with in his job. Finding out devastated me at the time. I was unable to forgive him and carried around years of hatred- which i have long ago dealt with. Strangely it was never either of our intentions to end the marriage.... the basis of the affair was not to replace me as his wife. He ended the affair and we continued on in the marriage. I stuffed the emotions thoughts and feelings about the affair deep in my soul vowing to myself to never visit those raging feelings again. No matter how hard I tried for years I felt abandoned and full of mistrust.
So back to NOW.... Is it possible to have a marriage that is monogamy based and NEVER have one of those moments of feeling attracted physically or emotionally to another human? No it is not because we are all very sexual social creatures and it is normal to have the fleeting moment when these emotions just happen naturally.
What happened to my husband with the affair? He had a moment of very normal natural human response- and he acted on it to meet his basic human needs at the time. Humans where not designed to be with only one other human for their life time. Society has made anything other than monogamy to be seen as taboo. Do I think that going out and having multiple affairs without your partners knowledge is OK? No definitely not! Is it OK to get your emotional needs met from more than one human? Possibly if you both decide to dive into a open relationship... poly arrangement.
WHAT ARE SOME OF THE BENEFITS OF A POLY RELATIONSHIP?
1. Get rid of the guilt-Feelings of guilt that creeps into a relationship when the natural attraction to another human happens can produce a huge array of emotions...guilt stress anxiety mistrust abandonment just to name a few. In open relationships these emotions are dealt with ahead of time and removed because it is something that is planned and expected to happen. Approval of your partner lifts the feelings of guilt.... as long as both parties are in line with the arrangement.
2. Change is healthy-In a typical wedding vow we all know the words "For better or worse.... till death do us part" These words do not take into account how each partner may change threw out the relationship. It is pretty unrealistic to assume that both partners will always have the same needs and desires. In many marriages peoples needs change but that does not mean they don't love each other. It would not be healthy to continue on in a marriage that both people can not get their needs met. Usually these changes lead to one or both people feeling stuck and unsatisfied.... then tragically ending in divorce....but it doesn't have to end this way in poly relationships.
3. Getting our cup filled from more than one pitcher- When mutually agreed upon getting our emotional needs met by more than one person can relieve a lot of stress for both parties. Having another persons thoughts on situations can be beneficial too.
4. Unconditional love with your partner- When an open relationship exists and the primary relationship is the center for both partners it builds that trust in unconditional love that we are deep down inside all seeking.
5. Complete Honesty- Knowing you have an open relationship and that you can share intimate feelings with your partner builds a strong foundation of honesty and trust. Would you rather be in a mono relationship that you felt you needed to hide your emotional attachment feelings about another person or an open and honest based poly relationship that you felt comfortable to explore your desires together? No right or wrong answer... poly is not for everyone.... just my personal thoughts.
WHAT DO OPEN POLY RELATIONSHIPS LOOK LIKE....
An excellent source of information can be found in looking into what the relationship dynamic are of each type.FOUND HERE
Considering what model you and your partner are more drawn towards will help with setting up the contract of what is and isn't allowed in the relationship. Respecting each others views of the relationship will help in maintaining the trust and security of the primary relationship over time.
If your in a poly open relationship please feel free to post comments. If this is a type of relationship you are looking to build feel free to post those comments also :)
Anna
Life Coach/Graphic Artist/ Author
No comments:
Post a Comment