So you are in your peaceful comfy place (from PART 1 of this post) its time to start getting to the place in your mind that you can explore your sexual desires. Open communication with your partner most likely doesn't come natural at first unless you are a very confident person. So how do we get to that level of confidence?
Lets start by asking why is it that I am really not sure of what I need sexually from my partner? I know for me I had always felt it was bad to express myself in a sexual way like it was taboo to talk about. What was the norms in your family growing up? Was sex something you felt comfortable talking to a parent about when you hit those teen years? Or was sex something that was very uncomfortable to talk about in front of your parents? Typically we all are conditioned to think sex is something dirty and needs to be kept to ourselves. This thinking leads to problems when our sexual needs are not being met in a relationship.
GETTING COMFORTABLE:
This first experience is all about being comfortable while totally naked. Start by closing your eyes and thinking about how the clothing feels on your skin. Describe the texture of it.... soft rough silky??? Next rub your hands on the clothing over your thighs, abdomen, arms, ass, pussy/cock, breasts/ chest and your face. Let your mind wonder ..... how does it feel when you rub each area? Do some areas make you feel anxiety or tense? Try to relax and feel comfortable rubbing those areas.
After you are completely comfortable in the steps above and have got past any apprehensions rubbing causes while fully clothed you are ready to move on to step two. For this next step you will need to fully undress. Find a relaxing position laying on your back or side. Close your eyes and think about how you feel laying there totally naked. Do you have any anxieties about being exposed? Or does it arouse you? Challenge any negative thoughts and tell yourself the human body is a beautiful piece of art. You are a beautiful person inside and out.
Now go threw the same process as above that you did with your clothes on. Rubbing your hands on your skin varying the pressure of your hands to massage your skin. Imagine any tension leaving your body.... focus on relaxing all your muscles. Spending extra time on the sexual parts of your body...areas that can cause you to become aroused. Feel the arousal building inside yourself? Tingling? Heart Rate increase? Change in breathing? At this point we are only rubbing light touch the goal is not to orgasm but rather explore what increases our arousal. Continue to explore with your hands until you are perfectly comfortable touching all areas of your anatomy.Ask yourself questions along the way.... EXAMPLES:
-Does it feel good to rub my breasts? How much stimulation does
it take to make my nipples hard and erect? After nipples are hard
how does it feel to twist them? Pull them? Flick them with my fingers?
-Does rubbing my inner thigh feel better with a light touch or more firm touch?
-Does rubbing my pussy/ cock cause instant arousal or do I need a more constant approach over several minutes?
-At what point did my pussy become wet? Was it with focusing on my nipples or did I need direct contact with my pussy to start to feel wet?
If the arousal becomes to intense and you start to feel out of control like you will orgasm if you continue.... STOP for few minutes and wait till the urge subsides. REMEMBER we are only exploring what works best for our body to increase arousal. Everyone has different sexual zones that work best for them when increasing arousal. Finding those areas and how much stimulation you need will get you in touch with what you need from your partner.
The above exercises may be beneficial to repeat several times till you are comforted with your body. The more you practice the more comfortable you will get with your own sexual desires. After completing the above lay there with your eyes closed..... hands at your sides..... and focus on the feelings of arousal you where able to achieve in your body. How did it make you feel? What worked the best? If you had to stop because the arousal become to intense how long did it take for the urge to subside? Knowing how to build arousal in your body can make the sexual experience very enjoyable to both of you.
How to use this to have a better sexual experience with my partner......
Think about all the areas that increased your arousal. Next time you are with your partner gently guide his or her hands to those areas during foreplay. Practice building and letting the arousal subside several times before actual intercourse. Orgasms that are built upon gentally slowly building threw foreplay repeatedly tend to be much more intense mind blowing orgasms. Learning your body limits to build and subside over and over will prove to be the source of great orgasms in the long run.
Anna
Life Coach/ Graphic Artist/ Author
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